DAY 66 SEPT 11 FLORIDA BOUND AND BOCA'S 10: ZEN and THE ART OF THE ROAD TRIPPING WITH YOUR HUSBAND

WHAT A TRIP!

Headed back to Boca Raton,  Florida. Home Sweet Home.  Pleep and Bubba racked up over 6500 miles-yes they did all of the driving.  Hello, somebody has to be the back seat driver.  Road humour is better than road rage, right?   Life on the road will bring your husband's idiosyncrasies into high relief.  Is he the type to pack a snake bite kit and GPS for a walk around the block?  Does he need a separate cooler just for the first aid kit and mini pharmacy of ache relief, rubs, potions and more?   And certainly he needs 8 flash lights.  By all means don't forget to pack your sense of humor- you will definitely need it.  After being confined in a small space with the person who is most likely to press every single one of your buttons for a prolonged period of time I have come up with the Zen Road Trip Survival Guide.  Is it possible to train your husband how to travel?  I am certain behind every vicious divorce there has been a road trip...so I have come up with BOCA'S 10:  ZEN AND THE ART OF ROAD TRIPPING WITH YOUR HUSBAND

1.  Back seat driving- a must.  No use to keep panic to yourself when the driver is tailgating, swearing like a drunken sailor at those texting, on the phone or in his way...this includes tailgating-.although the tailgate is rare it does happen.    No need for pleonasm here (not a place to use  more words than are necessary to express an idea) as the words will be wasted.  No time to audition for Family Feud either.
2.  Go with the flow.  Get used to rolling through stop signs- in Iowa this counts.  I guess it is better than not stopping at all.  And "time out" is a must...all this togetherness can be "overwhelming'...like too much chocolate cake.   Now and then everyman for himself...you go climb that mountain and pick me up at the mall when you are done.  Practice saying Yes Dear over and over.


3.  Planning-The journey is THE thing-road trips have beginnings and ends but it's what's in between that counts. Right- are we there yet?  No Mr. Spontaneous here.  Boca does some significant planning and routing.  This way you give a heads up to family and friends and have a game plan for the hubby.  When the driver pulls in for gas, it better be the time you need to use the facilities.  Use this time to jump up and down as there will be no leisurely stop offs to have a roadside lunch or navel gaze.  And never never say "I THOUGHT WE WERE...."  Be sure to take your monkey.  Good referee.

4.  Navigating-  WE DON'T NEED NO STINKIN MAP!  Between the GPS, I Phone, I Pad and Laptop no need for that antiquated map.  Gertrude the GPS lady who lives in the dashboard can  guide you along.  Tip:  After a few of Gertrude's "misguided routes"  take a  glance at a real map so you kinda know  the way....Note, the co-pilot gets blamed for everything.  Wine in the car is recommended.

5.  Hunger- and again the driver chooses when and what.  Be prepared to search for a Starbucks cause the other easily accessible coffee places serve  too weak coffee.   Ok Bubs.  Thank you Starbucks APP to make this task simple...right.  Nothing like driving 20 miles out of your way to grab a coffee to go...while passing 30 other establishments with respectable Kava- coffee.  And God forbid you want a warm meal if the driver is not in the mood- WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE FOOD IN THE COOLER!  If I eat any more carrots I am going to turn into a rabbit.  And there are only so many apples a day a person can take Bubs.  And speaking of apples, please don't eat anything to give you the "green apple two step".  Get used to eating at gas stations.

6.  Dashboard Etiquette-and again the driver rules.  Can you hear me groan as mile after mile we listen to Fox news.  Payback can be fabulous.  But then again you have to be the driver.  Amen to the dual temperature controls.

7.  Car Order and Cleanliness- once a day you need to drag everything out of the car and repack it.  Why? As Gretchen Wilson says it gets "all tore up".  Filled with coffee cups and 1/2 empty water bottles, chords to the electronics, several pair of sun glasses, food wrappers, apple cores,  CD's, 1/2 filled cans of Coke, magazines and books gone amuk...never mind the baggies filled with credit card receipts.  And you know Boca saves everyone and files them post trip.  You never know when you will need that $3.98 receipt for nuts and a coke from the truck stop.  Make an agreement on how often you should get the car washed.  In Bubba's mind, dead bugs smashed across the windshield, bumper and hood of the car is a sign of the road warrior.

8.  Men, Woman and Moola-  "Boca, be sure to make a budget for this trip."  A what?  As if putting it in writing would make it "better".  "Boca, money can't buy love or happiness".  Say what Bubba?  Well it sure as heck helps.  Hello, I am  in charge of putting all of the cc receipts in a baggie.  Isn't that enough accountability Bubs?  So the tip is do not let your significant other watch the stock market while traveling- otherwise all you will hear is the mantra "we don't need that!".  Right.

9.  Side Trips-enjoy the unexpected?   My Bubs is always on a mission to get to the next "place".  No veering off to explore the unexpected.  There is no I in Team Bubs and there are no boring places.  And that includes all the cute Tschoke Shops along the way.  One way to convince him for a stop off is mention you heard they are known for their "wings and bbq".  Somehow that gets him interested in those side trips to the Outlet Mall or Museum you want to stop at....


10.  Personal habits- And remember  per Jerry Springer "we're all the same.  Only some of us just dress better".  BRING DEPENDS.


Travel does change you.  In fact I shed many skins on these road trips.  With each skin goes standards, decency, sound eating habits, decorum and appearance.  A journey of love, endurance and TRANSFORMATION for sure.  I have heard "it's the journey that counts- not the destination".  NOT!  So to prevent both of you at the end of the trip-from walking in the door at your home and calling your attorney's consider practicing Boca's Zen.  An attitude of gratitude does help.   And as Vivian Green said "Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass....it's about learning how to dance in the rain!"  I have learned when I choose not to focus on what is missing (except that bathroom break) but are grateful for the abundance that is present I experience heaven on earth.  Oh and one little secret, the Queen of the road has  learned to remove that tiara and  use those headphones.   And I know Bubba appreciates that too!
Keep enjoying YOUR JOURNEY!

Bubba's favorite quote by the end of the trip...
"Bigamy is having one wife too many.  Monogamy is the same."    Oscar Wilde

With Love,
Boca

And did you know.....

GOING ON A ROAD TRIP?
Think the price of gas is expensive?

All these examples do NOT imply that gasoline is cheap; it just illustrates how outrageous some prices are.... You will be really shocked by the last one! (At least, I was...) This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.

Compared with Gasoline ...

• Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 = $10.32 per gallon

• Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 = $9.52 per gallon

• Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 = $10.17 per gallon

• Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 = $10..00 per gallon

• Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 = $33.60 per gallon

• Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 ... $178.13 per gallon

• Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 .. $123.20 per gallon

• Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 = $25.42 per gallon

• Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 = $84.48 per gallon

• Evian water 9 oz $1.49 = $21.19 per gallon! $21.19 for WATER!

• And this is the REAL KICKER ... Ever wonder why printers are so cheap? So they have you hooked for the ink. Someone calculated the cost of the ink at ... you won't believe it, but it is true ... $5,200 a gallon.

So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, Whiteout, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or God forbid, Printer Ink!

Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next fill-up.